Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Defeated, But Not Broken

I sit here and write this with tears in my eyes.  I waited until the end of the day to write so I could gather my thoughts.  Today Lonnie was told that the surgeons at Froedtert have reviewed his CT scan and he has a vessel disease that they feel would cause a transplant to be too risky.  They have cancelled the surgery with no plans to reschedule.  Of course their family is devastated and I am distraught for them.  We were so close and now it will not be the case. 

So now we are left with wondering why this has happened.  Why did we have to get to this point before this happened?  What is God's true plan?  Are we missing something?  I can not say that I know any of these answers.  I am as confused as anyone else at this point.  All I can do is pray, be patient, and ask God to show us what the meaning behind all of this is.  I can not honestly believe that all of the signs, all of the reassurance, all of the emotions have meant nothing at all.   I did mention to Ginger that perhaps they should consider seeking a second opinion at UW Hospital.  If they choose to do this I will be right there by their side.  And if by some miracle he could have a transplant, I will be right there to donate my kidney!

Lonnie this is for you -- The bond we have formed is so very precious.  We have built a bridge between us that nobody can tear down.  You and I will always be true friends because of the joy you have brought to my life.  You have given me the opportunity to really get to know myself.  You think I was giving you a gift, but you have given me so much more.  You allowed me to come into your life and give you hope -- but you gave me hope too.  In the words of one of my favorite singers of all time, Garth Brooks, "I could've missed the pain...but I'd have had to miss the dance".  Thanks for dancing with me Lonnie.  This isn't the end.  I promise you that.


  1. Jill,
    I feel so badly for you, Lonnie and Ginger. All of you have had many ups and downs in this process, and still the questions come as to why!! I KNOW God has a plan in all of this, but I, too, do not know what it is - my mind is too finite. I'll just continue to pray for all of you!

  2. Hi Jill,
    Since I'm quite computer illiterate I haven't been following your blogs. I've just been getting updates from your mom. But I just spent the morning reading your blogs and I have to say, it was like picking up a good book and not being able to put it down! What a heart warming and inspirational story! And it's all about the power of prayer and the power of God's love and how He so magnificently works in peoples lives and blesses them along the way. Thank you for sharing your faith,hope and love. And thank you for sharing your conviction and the importance of becoming a donor. I'll be anxiously waiting to read the Grand Finale of your story! My prayers are continuously with you and Lonnie and your families. Love, Kris